New Year Resolutions for California

What better way for California to start the New Year than to make some hard and fast resolutions for 20141. So here are my favorite 20 New Year Resolutions for California in 2014:

1. Make less laws so that there are less criminals

2. Teach kids to be born to better parents.

3. Repeal the laws of science to avoid differences of opinion vs. facts.

4. Make earthquakes illegal to reduce insurance rates.

New Year Resolutions for California

5. Declare the Republican Party as a protected class in the Endangered Species Act. Assign a Lesbian, Latina Doctor from Planned Parenthood as the Guardian.

6. Introduce voting for ‘None of the Above’ as an allowed choice which if it wins, prevents the losers from running again for the same office for 2 years.

7. Put a sales tax on political contributions over 100 dollars.

8. Call for a state constitutional convention and disqualify anyone who wants to be on the convention committee.

9. Repeal sickness to solve the health cost crisis.

10. If we are to have Overtime, we should also have Undertime/ make people work 8 hours.

Even more New Year Resolutions for California

11. Kids must stay in school 8-5 except for high school, and they are 11-8. (they won’t get a better education, but at least it will keep them off the street.)

12. State mandates must come with state money to implement. (printing money thereof not allowed.)

13. Change legislature to a single house with 2 representatives per congressional district (require one them to be have been born out of State-citizenship still needed).

14. Abolish the office of Lt. Governor. If the office falls vacant the legislature appoints the Acting Governor (if deadlocked the Oscar Winner gets the role *flip coin for gender.)

But wait…if you order now, we’ll throw in these bonus New Year Resolutions for California

15. No law can be more than a single 8.5×11” paper with 12 point type or written with a crayon.

16. Change organ donor to an opt out system except for politicians who are banned from donation to protect against genetic gridlock seeps into the collective DNA.

17. Make Algebra optional and Civics mandatory.

18. Introduce conscription if you fail your high school exit exam. You are conscripted into trade school…in North Korea.

19. If the Citizen’s United ruling allows for corporations as virtual entities to have rights, then virtual characters should be allowed to run for office starting with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck (you can figure out which one is a Democrat and Republican).

20. We should cut funding to SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) and put more into finding intelligence on earth.

~ The views expressed do not represent those of the City Council or the City of Concord California.

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