As moderate Democrats increasingly discover that they may not be blue enough, there’s still a chance they can catch a ride on the Progressive train ride to a workers’ paradise. Political correctness is being observed at such a great extent these days that one slight mishap can result in being excommunicated from the new Mother Church of Progressive Orthodoxy in social, work, education, health, and political circles. In order to avoid the heartbreak of rejection from the new world order, a test has been devised to help moderate Democrats and even ho-hum liberals to fit in better in an Ultra-Blue society.
How blue are you?
Below are twenty questions weighted from 0 to 5 points to assist Democrats to develop correct thought patterns so they will be welcomed among the ranks of President Obama’s Progressive supporters.
1. The Sierra Club and Nature Conservancy has declared that unless corrective action is taken to fight climate change, the endangered mango vole will risk immediate extinction. Based upon this information.
A. Support any legislation these environmentalist organizations might suggest that offers the best chance for the Mango Vole to survive.
B. Read up on the matter prior to taking a position
C. Check with the exports on MSNBC and see what they recommend.
D. Consult with the Food Network to see what the proper preparation for cooking this classic road kill delicacy while retaining its unique “tropical overtones”.
E. Try to imagine how Charles Darwin would approach this matter
2. Progressive Congresswomen Debbie Wasserman Schultz has suggested Tea Party supporters not be able to reside within 300 yards of a public school for fear they would contaminate impressionable young minds. What do you think?
A. “Yes”, this is a no brainer. It is good someone like her is looking after the interests of youth.
B. Perhaps 300 yards is too close. Maybe keeping these right wingers even further away from schools is even a better idea.
C. Require that the Tea Party be a recognized result of “creationism” and given a religious tax exemption by the IRS.
D. Bag the suggestion. It is totally unconstitutional even by ACLU standards
E. Appoint a fact finding panel to study this proposal.
3. A rent-a-cop at a shopping mall goes crazy and discharges his revolver, randomly shooting at people. How can this unfortunate incident be prevented?
A. Require that all shoppers in the mall to carry a concealed weapon to make sure the gunman is promptly stopped.
B. Initiate more government regulations to try to prevent firearms from getting in the wrong hands.
C. Change to have U.S. law be like England and only have the police be able to carry firearms outside of designated hunting and firing range facilities.
D. The security guard who committed this crime is a victim. In addition to taking the weapon out of his hands, mandatory counseling should be required for anyone involved with security work.
E. Clearly there needs to be subsidized bullet proof vests manufactured in China by the Halliburton Company but only be made available to registered voters so as not to assist undocumented immigrants.
4. All too often teenagers are watching movies where protagonists are smoking tobacco and consuming illegal substances. What should the Federal Government do to discourage such behavior?
A. Make disclaimers prominently located at the bottom of the screen similar to warnings listed on cigarette packages to assure young people will make the right choice.
B. Ban such displays all together as they have no place in American society.
C. Forget about it. This is another example of government over reach and a violation of the first amendment.
D. Ask the movie industry to address this concern through the ratings system. (Where is Bill Moyer’s when you need him)
E. Require that all individuals who consume illegal substances or commit crimes on screen be identified as being progressives in order not to give Tea Party members a bad name.
5. The teachers in your community are on strike for higher wages and not wanting to pay for any part of their pension benefits. How do you stand?
A. Fire the bums and ban all collective bargaining for public employees. There is a surplus of unemployed educators who will be pleased to work for the terms that the school board desires.
B. Give the teachers whatever they want regardless of the cost. Our children are learning under their capable hands and their unions support progressive causes.
C. Pay the extra money for their new contract but do so by raising property taxes.
D. Only offer the teachers a contract within the present financial resources of the school board.
E. Have the two parties go to binding arbitration to settle the dispute
6. Occupy Wall Street is a movement designed to transform America from a place dominated by big money, capitalism, and free choice to become a more just society. Where do you stand on this?
A. “Right on protestors” America needs to be transformed by the progressive agenda.
B. These guys are a bunch of thugs and losers thus who should be locked up
C. The Democratic Party should embrace these ideas but not to go too far to gut the present system.
D. The “Occupy” movement was a flash in the Pan qualifying it to be much like prohibition “a noble experiment”.
E. Pay for drug rehabilitation and anger management treatments to assimilate the Occupy folks into normal society
7. The Affordable Care Act is struggling in the minds of American voters to gain popularity and acceptance. What do you think about this?
A. Fox News and other conservative media outlets are poisoning the political environment to make things worse.
B. The program is actually not that badly thought of. In a few months all of the fuss about Obama Care will die down and the popularity of the President will be restored.
C. Tune in to the Excellence in Broadcasting Network and find out what Rush thinks.
D, The health care program is not going far enough. What is really needed is a single payer system which will be fair to all.
E. If truth be known Obama Care is a disaster and should be scrapped.
8. Actor George Clooney has made an impassioned plea to keep the ice cap at the North Pole from melting. How do you react to this?
A. Clooney is a respected actor and supporter of progressive causes whose advice should be taken seriously.
B. Check the hansome one’s educational background to see where he received his degree in environmental sciences.
C. Take out your check book and send a generous donation to wherever Clooney asks.
D. Point out that he is actor and that “ice cap” to Clooney means vodka and tonic on the rocks (shaken but not stirred)
E. Boycott this “Limousine Liberal’s” movies
9. Kathleen Sebelius has given her personal guarantee that her Health and Human Services Agency will reduce everyone’s dental expenses by instituting a government sponsored program that would cover every American. What do you think about this idea?
A.. Drop your existing coverage to lower costs and take advantage of the government’s new entitlement program
B. Read the plan and see if their web site is working before making a decision.
C. Remember all the promises that were made to you in the dark before making a decision. As a precautionary move you might consider having your teeth extracted prior to when the new program takes effect
D. In order to fund this new ambitious program, have the President issue an executive order taxing the wealthy to pay for it.
E. Spend your time trying to repeal Obama Care for the 51st time to show bi-partisan opposition to cavities.
10. A petroleum plant located near to where you live that employs over 2500 union workers wants to expand. If these plans are rejected, they threaten to close down the facility and move to Texas. What should be done?
A. Reject this proposal and get rid of the plant. Let Texas deal with all the pollution.
B. Allow limited expansion plans but insist on higher cap and trade payments, taxes, and government regulations
C. Grant the permits with little scrutiny as higher paying jobs are needed to guarantee the facility will be around for years to come.
D. Check with your shareholders report and complain why the company has not already moved the refinery to Texas but first make sure Chinese and Arabic translations of this document are correct.
E. Appoint a blue ribbon special task force to study the ramifications on the environment and the community by expanding the petroleum plant while risking when the process is completed, the facility may already be closed.
11. The Tea Party, which is generally associated with the conservative wing of the Republican Party has complained that the IRS has singled them out for being over scrutinized by the IRS. What is your reaction to this?
A. Right wing organizations such as this along with the Occupy Movement should have their 1st amendment rights zealously protected by the IRS and other governmental agencies.
B. The IRS should let up on the Tea Bagger’s because their existence hurts the Republican Party and is a great source of fund raising for progressive causes.
C. The Tea Party has no business receiving a tax exempt status for their dirty work. Lois Lerner should be given high praise rather than taking the 5th Amendment defending her actions at the IRS.
D. This whole IRS scandal should be ignored. There has been no wrong doing by anyone in the Obama administration in this matter.
E. Can’t we just concentrate on the important things like Chris Christie creating a traffic jam on the Jersey bridge.
12. Your State was running a deficit of 4.6 billion dollars and also had unfunded pension and medical liabilities for 98.3 billion for government workers. Fortunately tax revenues have increased by 5.3 billion to cover the red ink. What should done with the excess 700 million?
A..Spend the rest on new entitlement spending to help the poor.
B. Do nothing and see what goes on with the next budget cycle
C. Increase spending on social programs and education by 2 billion as the budget analyst thinks tax revenues may continue to increase.
D Pay down the pension liabilities with the surplus and begin negotiations with public employee unions to reduce future pension liabilities.
E. Give incentives to the fracking industry and subsidize intensive water delivery for agricultural purposes with the rest of the surplus.
13. Progressives have complained that due to the inaction of Congress, change has not occurred as quickly as they would like. What is the best way to remedy this problem?
A. Obama should compromise with Congress to pass laws to support his agenda.
B. The President should ignore Congress as the Republicans are blocking everything he wants to do. To remedy this Obama should make change by executive order and by making appointments of progressives to regulatory agencies
C. Obama should try to understand the importance of maintaining the balance of power between the three branches of government and be careful not to overstep his authority..
D. Try to amend the constitution to give more power to the President to get needed social programs and regulatory matters accomplished without requiring Congressional approval.
E. Appoint Joe Bidden to negotiate with the GOP in order to break the log jam in Congress
14. An Islamic terrorist explodes a bomb in a crowded theater because of the American occupation of Afghanistan. How should this act be perceived by law enforcement
A. The perpetrator is a lone wolf whose values do not reflect on most peace loving Moslems who practice this faith. No further action is required.
B. Find out if the Islamic Extremists have a connection to the Westboro Baptist Church and do surveillance on those parties who purchased their book
C. More leeway needs to be given to law enforcement in searching those who are attired in berkas and Arab looking head bands.
D. Increase surveillance by the NSA on suspected terrorists.
E. Law enforcement personnel should be careful how they deal with terrorists as they want to avoid practicing racial profiling at all costs.
15. The ratings are so low on the NBC Cable news stations that their owner Comcast is threatening to close the service down. What should the Federal Government do about this situation?
A. Arrange a merger with National Public Radio or PBS.
B. Have the Federal Government subsidize the news service to keep it afloat.
C. Bring in the marketing department from Fox News to help the pitiful ratings of the progressive news service.
D. Do nothing as Dr. Kevorkian is deceased thus euthanasia is no longer an option.
E. Reduce competition by having the FCC close down Fox News.
16. Bill de Blasio the recently elected mayor of New York City has attempted to dismantle the successful Charter School program initiated under his predecessor Michael Bloomberg. What is your reaction of this?
A. Not sure. One should consult with Teacher’s Union President Randi Weingarten for her take
B. De Blasio is right. Even if these charter schools were effective in uplifting primarily minority students, they should be shut down because this form of elitist education goes against the concept of equality for all students and no child left ahead.
C. Make education the job of the private sector and get government out of this process
D. The New York’s Mayor should stop persecuting charter schools and change his policies. These institutions should be encouraged as they help the disadvantaged by providing college opportunities for those who would ordinarily fail in the existing system.
E. Charter Schools should be viewed throughout the United States as an important tool to improve education.
17. City Councils throughout California are not doing enough to thwart the onset of Climate Change. They are not moving fast enough in approving affordable housing, lowering carbon footprints, and building sustainable communities. What should be done to deal with this?
A. Leave the cities alone to decide themselves if they want to adapt a smart growth plan or chart their own course.
B. Bring in the National Guard if necessary to make sure the State’s mandates on urban development are carried out.
C. Allow cities latitude in making development decisions but take away tax revenues if they don’t comply with the State’s wishes.
D. Pass more laws on a State level that leaves urban planning decisions up to the experts in Sacramento.
E. Look at the big picture and consider moderating your views as this continued usurpation of local control may come back to bite you in future elections
18. Commentator Rachael Maddow has warned that the Koch Brothers are threatened to outlaw consumption of apple pie during Cinco De Maya celebrations held on public property. What should be done to deal with this situation?
A. Go online and thwart this threat by sending wire transfer to the Democratic Central Committee to combat this threat.
B. Purchase Gravenstein Apple futures as there is bound to be a run on this product.
C. Relax, by the time Congress get to this matter it will be Cinco de Maya 2046 and by that time the USA will probably be a colony of Mexico.
D. The Koch Brothers are right. Foreigners have no right to take over our national holidays.
E. Ban all celebrations of victories over the French by those who were not allied to the United States at the time reminding us that the Monroe Document does not apply to Mexicans.
19. Having political views at the far left of the political spectrum, how do Progressives view the fall of communism in the old Soviet Union?
A. Much like Arab terrorists, a few bad apples ruined things after the revolution in 1917. Their execution was wrong or at least too many of them were done compared to the USA.
B. Why do conservatives always think there is little difference between progressive’s and Marxist’s? This is hog
C. Communists and Progressives are two peas in a pod with both groups desiring absolute power over those for whom they govern. Neither is good
D. Progressives are much better than communists because they desire to have the consent of the people.
E. Too bad President Obama is not eligible for a third term because of this could be done, the United States would get closer to having a utopian society.
20. It’s 1.55 AM at the Singles Bar at the Progressive Convention in San Francisco. What are the best pick-up lines to land a husband or wife for a night at this affair?
A. Please follow me to my first floor penthouse and I will pour you some of my organic wine?
B. What sign are you? (Peace or do you mean speaking in tongues?)
C. Bill O’Reilly is covering this event for Fox News. “Come to my room and we can hide from him”, you say.
D. Resist the temptation. This is sinful.
E. If you agree to have consensual sex with me, I can offer you a “sustainable” orgasm.
Editor’s note- These pick-up lines are similar to those attending the Couples Bar at the Republican Convention except in this venue you would only score someone else’s husband or wife!
Bonus Question – Should Al Gore’s birthday be named a National Holiday?
Answer- President’s Day already covers Obama. Having a holiday associated with any Vice-President might be redundant or even inappropriate. Perhaps placement of Al Gore’s bust on Mount Rushmore might seem more fitting in Progressive’s minds. If you generally agree with this, add up to 3 points to your score.
- 5 3 4 1 2
- 4 5 1 2 3
- 1 3 5 4 1
- 5 4 2 3 1
- 1 5 4 2 3
- 5 1 3 2 4
- 3 1 4 3 1
- 4 3 5 2 1
- 4 3 2 5 1
- 4 5 2 1 3
- 1 3 4 5 2
- 4 3 5 2 1
- 1 3 5 4 2
- 4 2 1 3 5
- 3 4 2 1 5
- 4 5 1 2 3
- 1 5 3 1 2
- 5 2 3 2 1
- 2 3 1 4 5
- 2 3 4 1 5
100 or more An appointment to the National Democratic Central Committee
90-99 Free admission to a Progressive mixer hosted by Barbara Streisand, George Soros, and George Clooney, featuring Robert Redford and Bono.
80-89 You are to be given a CD of the “best ” speeches of Joe Biden
70-79 Free admission to a seminar on making the “left” choice
60-69 Counseling to be provided by trained liberal therapists on changing your views.
Under 59 You are hopeless. Try to have the militia you join at least register their firearms